How We're Sleep Training Kate
Time for a little life update!
Kate is exactly 6 weeks old today, and we’re in the thick of sleep training. So far it’s going well! We’re using the method laid out in the book “12 Hours by 12 Weeks” by Suzy Giordano. I will discuss the method itself, but first let me chat a little about why we feel so strongly about sleep training and how we landed on this approach vs. others.
Disclaimer: Before I dive in on this parenting topic, let me add a little disclaimer up front since I know people will have OPINIONS. This is what works for US. Every family is different, and what matters to us may not matter to you. Whether you co-sleep or use the SNOO or do “cry it out” …. you do YOU. Most of y’all probably know me, but some of you don’t, and I promise I’m the most “DO YOU” person ever. I’m just sharing our journey because 1) it’s fun for me and 2) it might help someone out there! We’re all out here in this world just trying to do our very best. And in this corner of the internet, I’m sharing what that looks like for me and my family.
As far as why we decided to sleep train… my husband and I are COMMITTED to making sure Kate is on a schedule that fits within our lifestyle, not the other way around. We run the show, not her! That might sound “mean” to some people and runs counter to a lot of the parenting advice out there these days, but we disagree. Kids thrive on a schedule, and they can be trained! Plus, we’re busy people and need that kid sleeping her nights ASAP…. MAMA NEEDS HER SLEEP. 😅 If there’s a way to bring that about sooner, sign us up! We’ll do the work! In fact, we’re delaying summer travel plans so we don’t throw off her training. Like I’ve mentioned, we just finished our busy season so we are READY for a vacay. BUT we’re holding off another month or two until we feel confident she’s made good progress.
The other big reason is we know how important quality sleep is to Kate’s health. We didn’t want to waste any time getting her on the right track. Hopefully, these good habits we’re teaching her now will follow her into adulthood. I fully believe they will. Research supports this, and anecdotally, I’ve spoken with 5-6 moms who sleep trained and they ALL tell me things like “my toddler REQUESTS to go to bed” or “I don’t have to tell my 5 year old it’s bedtime, he walks up the stairs on his own”. GOALS.
(Side note: if you’re interested in learning more about the power and health benefits of sleep, HIGHLY recommend this book. It will blow your mind. 🤯)
Why this method? I must admit I didn’t do a lot of research on various methods or books. I planned on it, but then this one sort of just fell in my lap! Here’s how. One of the night nannies I interviewed (Heather) mentioned she sleep trained all her babies using this book. I already really liked Heather in her interview but wanted to make sure I agreed with the book before hiring her. About 5 minutes into the book I knew we had found our night nanny, ha!
I should mention here that Heather is amazing! She is truly Mary Poppins and the past 6 weeks would have been much more difficult without her help. At some point I’ll write a post about our experience working with a night nurse (I have a lot to say on this topic), but that’s for another day!
A few things the book stresses that I personally agree with and work for us:
Baby should sleep in the crib in her room. My husband and I felt strongly about not having kids sleep in our bedroom. That was to be a kid free zone! Co-sleeping is not for us!
Note: Yes. This runs counter to the American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines for sleeping. The AAP recommends your child sleep in your room - but on a separate surface than you - for the first year of life. I did my own research and decided I disagreed. If you’re nervous, knowledge is power so just educate and decide for yourself how you feel.
Babies should adapt to the existing family, not the other way around.
The importance of order and structure in the lives of children.
Now that I’ve talked about the why, I’ll get into the method itself and how it works! If you’re interested in using it, you REALLY need to read the book. There are a lot of details that I don’t have room to cover here! Worth noting… the book itself took me less than an hour to read. 🙌🏻
First, it’s completed over a 12 week timeline, so we’re about halfway through it. I hesitate to even call it a “method” because essentially the book just lays out a system for stretching your baby to skip night feedings and make up the ounces lost during the daytime. While it hasn’t always been easy (it requires commitment on our part!), it’s very simple.
In the first 4-6 weeks, the most important objective is not to create “bad habits”. Bad habits is defined as putting baby in chairs and bassinets that swing or vibrate for the purpose of getting baby to fall asleep. Yes, this means no Snoo! Why not? Because those do all the work for the baby, meaning he won’t learn how to self-soothe. Instead, the book encourages using a pacifier or rocking baby in a glider until she drifts off on her own. Essentially you’re teaching baby how to self-soothe.
I feel like it’s important to note here that this method is FINE with chairs and bouncers (like the Mamaroo, Nuna, etc.) and even encourages their use during the day when you need them - like when Kate is fussy because of gas and I just can’t hold her anymore, or when I’ve got to shower/clean/cook - the key is not using them to soothe your baby to sleep. Trust me… I would have been up a creek if I weren’t ever allowed to put Kate in her Baby Bjorn bouncer! I’d never get any work done without that bouncer or her Boppy.
The only other two things to accomplish by 6 weeks is…
Create a log of when baby eats and when she goes to the bathroom. | We do this religiously and document everything in the BabyConnect app. This app is great if you’ve got grandparents, dad, or nanny watching baby when you aren’t around. Caregivers can enter all the data in the app and you’ll know exactly when baby last pooped or when she got medicine, etc. Creating a log just helps you get on a schedule. It also helps you recognize patterns so you can more easily spot when baby is getting sick, hitting a growth spurt, etc.
Stretch baby to feed every 2 1/2 to 3 hours (vs. feeding on demand). | Kate came out of the womb eating every 3 hours, so this wasn’t difficult for us. However, the book walks through how to stretch feeds out if your baby is struggling with this or is a “cluster” feeder.
Once you’ve got those things down, here’s the crux of how the “training” works….
Between 4-6 weeks (when baby is bigger - about 10 pounds), you start tapering off night feedings until they’re all gone. For example, here’s how it works for Kate based on her bedtime of 7pm and her feeding schedule:
Kate eats every 3 hours at 6am, 9am, Noon, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, Midnight and 3am.
Her bedtime is 7pm which means she’s in her dark room, in her crib (or being held by me/dad/nanny in the glider until she’s asleep) by 7pm every night.
We started by taking away her Midnight feed and diaper change. So between 9pm-3am she’s sleeping uninterrupted. Once she’s got that down and isn’t waking up early, we’ll take away her 3am feed. Then her 6am. Then her 9pm.
We’ve already started taking away her 3am diaper change (this just helps her stay sleepy), and soon we’ll take away her 3am feed as well.
As we take away each feed, she’ll make up the formula ounces lost during the daytime hours.
Once all her night time feeds are gone, she’ll be sleeping uninterrupted between 7pm to 7am. A FULL 12 hours!
Fingers crossed! She’s doing well so far. Some nights she makes it until 3am and has to be woken up to eat, and some nights she wakes up around 2am on her own. When that happens, we try to hold off feeding her until 3am (usually by holding her in the glider with a pacifier or patting her bottom while she’s still in the crib).
I feel positive about Kate’s progress and feel confident we’ll be able to hit the 12 hours by 12 weeks milestone. For what it’s worth… everyone I’ve spoken with who has followed the steps laid out in this book have told me it’s worked for them (some by 10 weeks, some by 12, and one said it took her 14 weeks). Our nanny has been using it for 8 years and she’s never had one baby who didn’t sleep 12 hours by 12 weeks. And for the record, she works mostly with multiples and babies who are premature or have other health issues. So I promise you can do it!
I’ll end this post by answering a few questions you guys submitted via Instagram:
What does this book say about the “cry it out” method? I would describe it as a happy medium. The book refers to it as “The Limited Crying Solution” (aka don’t let it go on for longer than 5 minutes). It teaches the importance of not picking up and holding the baby with every little sound or cry, but it also doesn’t advocate letting an infant cry it out. In my experience, I’ve found this to be great advice. There are times when Kate will let out a huge yelp or she’ll make noises for 30-60 seconds, and I’m positive she’s about to start wailing. But, like the book says I wait it out a bit and a lot of times she ends up dozing back off to sleep. If she persists or is getting very fussy, we’ll pick her up before she goes into a full blown meltdown because then it’s harder to get her calmed down.
Does this method work with breast fed babies? Yes! In fact, most of our night nanny’s clients breast feed, and the book specifically addresses both breast feeding and formula feeding.
Can you use this method if your baby is older than 12 weeks? Yes! In fact, when I posted about this on InstaStories I had two moms DM and tell me they used this book when their kids were already older than 12 weeks (after they reached a breaking point with lack of sleep, lol). Both of them said it worked! The book specifically addresses older babies, and the author states you can apply the same method on babies up to 18 months of age.
In what week do you start sleep training? Per this book, you start the actual training once baby is at least 10 pounds and is showing signs of being “ready” like not finishing bottles at night or falling asleep during feeds. Usually this happens naturally between 4-6 weeks old. Note: the book discusses babies with health issues, so if your baby has those, definitely read the book and consult your pediatrician!
If you made it this far, then I have to imagine it’s because you’re deciding whether sleep training is a good option for you. I can’t say enough positive things about how it’s going for us so far! We love it and she’s not even sleeping her nights yet! It just makes everything so PREDICTABLE for mom and dad and baby. While we aren’t there yet, I know we’re well on our way. We have a goal we’re working towards together, and we feel like there’s an end in sight to sleepless nights. Praise Jesus.
I’ll be sure to post an update on the blog once Kate hits 12 weeks to follow up on whether she’s hit the 12 hour mark! In the meantime, follow along on Instagram. I’ll share mini-updates on my stories.
Wish us luck! 🤪